The Skill of Active Listening: A Potent Superpower For Work & Life

Most of us like to think that we’re good communicators, but often, we’re thinking perhaps about the delivery part of communication, not the receiving. In today’s fast paced workplaces and always on environments it’s all to easy to slip into “send not receive” mode. If you’ve ever been on the other end of it, then you’ll know how frustrating, if not down right demoralising it can be. As human beings we want to be seen, to be head and to matter, and if we feel we’re not being listened to, then all of those are undermined.

So how can we improve our listening skills so that we not only understand what we’re being told and take it in, but so the person delivering the message feels heard and understood?

Like any skill, listening well is a skill that can be learnt. In fact one of the most effective skills you can bring to the table is the ability to slow down and properly listen.

This doesn’t mean nodding along while you mentally plan your reply (something we all do to the detriment of conversations), it means actively listening, being fully present, tuning in to what’s really being said (and what’s not), and responding in a way that builds trust, connection, and clarity.

Done right, it’s a game-changer. For relationships. For leadership. For results.

Why Listening (Properly) Matters

Most of us tend to think ourselves as good listeners, if the conditions are right. But in the rush of the office, the need to get things done, or even being worn out by the time you get home, communication can suffer. The reality is that often we’re distracted, impatient, and often more focused on what we want to say next. That’s not communication. That’s waiting for your turn to talk.

In the workplace, this can cause tension, confusion, and missed opportunities. People switch off. Misunderstandings grow legs. Morale drops. In personal relationships it can erode and undermine the whole thing.

But when people feel heard and understood, it changes everything. Engagement goes up. Collaboration gets easier. Clients trust you more. People stop talking at each other and start working together.

So how can you start being a better listener and really engage with what the other person is saying?

Welcome To Active Listening

Think of active listening as a three-part skill:

Presence. This might sounds obvious but it’s rare. Ever look at your phone while someone’s talking to you…? Give the other person your full attention. Not your half-distracted, email-checking, mentally-prepping-another-meeting attention, your actual attention. Phones down. Eyes up. Be there.
Understanding. This is where it gets interesting. We’re primed to listen for the facts, so that we can respond with our perspective, but you’re not just listening for facts, you’re also looking out for feeling, context, and intent. A brilliant tool here is something called mirroring. When there’s a suitable pause repeat a word or phrase the other person has just used, “Conflicting deadlines?” and let them expand. It shows you’re paying attention, helps them feel understood and gives them a chance to expand and clarify
Response. Again, we often need to train ourselves out of thinking about our response as the other person talks, but if we do that we might miss something crucial . So listen and reflect back what you’ve heard: “It sounds like you’re pulled in different directions and not sure what to prioritise, have I got that right?” Adding that question at the end gives the other person permission to agree or else clarify and that moment of validation can shift the entire conversation.

I said three things but here’s a bonus one - think about environment and body language. Up to 97% of our communication is non-verbal (which is why virtual meetings can sometimes be tricky), so think about the way you’re holding yourself and how that comes across. Leaning back, arms folded sends a closed signal, leaning in, holding eye contact shows you’re interested and engaged. Likewise, if it’s an important conversation don’t have it in the corridor, on the move or round the coffee machine. Get set up in a quiet place where you can both focus and not be disturbed.

What Gets in the Way

We live in a noisy, distracted world. Half the time we’re in meetings thinking about the next meeting. Or we interrupt because we think we know where it’s going. (Spoiler: often, we don’t.) Our phones ping or vibrate, our attention goes…

The fix? Pause. Stay focused and stay curious. And if in doubt, ask: “Can you say more about that?”

You’ll be surprised how often people open up when they feel safe to do so.

Leading by Listening

If you manage people, or influence clients, this stuff is gold. The best leaders I’ve worked with aren’t the loudest or the smartest in the room. They’re the ones who make people feel heard. Who create space. Who ask:

What do you need from me right now?
How’s this really landing for you?
Where’s the pressure coming from?

Questions like these don’t just show empathy, they build connection and create better outcomes.

Try This Today

Want to build the habit? Start here:

In your next conversation, stop multitasking.
Think about your body language.
Mirror back one phrase. Let the silence stretch.
Then summarise what you’ve heard and ask, “Did I get that right?”

It’s simple. It’s powerful. And most people don’t do it.

Top tip, this also works wonders in your personal relationships as well as your business ones.

James Davis is a coaching psychologist, author and co-founder of The Midlife Mentors, working with professionals and organisations to improve performance, wellbeing and connection.

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