Children and Divorce

Divorce is common. In the United States, nearly 50% of all marriages ending in divorce. In many instances, children of divorce tend to suffer the most, given their inability to process and cope with continued stress.

In this article, lawyers from Milavetz Law, a US based firm offering legal advice across a range of areas including family law, explains how to carefully, thoughtfully and practically help children through a divorce. This is an excerpt from a fuller guide on Children and Divorce, you can read this here.

How to Help a Child Through a Divorce

The key to helping children during divorce is for the parents to accept the process and commit to going through it. It’s not always a wise idea for parents to stay together simply for the benefit of the children. Doing so often subjects children to ever-increasing hostility, as the problems between the parents are not likely to be resolved under this approach.

As the divorce proceeds, the likelihood of conflict is high. It’s understandable and common, but it should never affect the children. Parents should refrain from arguing in front of their children.

How to Tell Kids About a Divorce

Children deserve as much truth about the divorce as they can understand. Being open and honest preserves the trust between parents and children and requires the parents to abstain from blaming or criticizing one another when they talk to their children about the separation.

It’s not an easy talk to have, and it consists of more than one conversation. Depending on the age of the children, there may be a lot to discuss. The children will likely have a lot to say, which makes it important to make them feel like their voice counts.

While they’re sharing, pay close attention to what they say and how it makes you and your spouse feel or react. Take careful note of how they react to everything you say. As their parents, you’ll know what their reactions mean and how to address them.

Most importantly, let them know they are not to blame. It’s easy to understand how a child may think he or she is the cause of the breakup. Let your child know that it’s mommy and daddy who are having problems.

Share all of the appropriate specifics with children early on. In addition to love and attention, they need details regarding how life is going to change. These details include:

· Who’s living where

· Schooling changes

· Visitation

· Family social activities, such as church, clubs, and/or sports leagues

It’s better for children to know about these changes sooner rather than later so they have time to adjust.

Co-Parenting Tips

Co-parenting includes sharing custody as well as the responsibility and privilege of making decisions for the children.

According to researchers, successful co-parenting requires open communication and respect—the same things often missing in distressed marriages.

If co-parenting is not possible because you and your former spouse cannot communicate effectively, an alternative option called “parallel parenting” has unique benefits for each person.

Parallel parenting allows parents to reduce conflict and respect each other’s boundaries while maintaining independent parenting strategies.

Tips for effective co-parenting:

· Stick to the agreement.

· Communicate openly.

· Be civil in front of the kids.

· Be civil in private when possible.

Co-parenting can work under the right circumstances. There are times, however, when parallel parenting would be preferred. When conflict or violence characterizes the interactions of the parents, it may be more appropriate to seek alternatives to co-parenting.

This article was written by lawyers from Milavetz Law, a US based firm offering legal advice across a range of areas including family law.

Milavetz Law is dedicated to helping families as they go through divorce. Oftentimes, the most hurt and affected are the children, that's why they wanted to make a guide on how to help kids as their parents go through a divorce.