Released On 22 May 2025
Ruban's blog: The Very Long Goodbye
“Aaaand stop! Can someone please halt time?!!” How many of you have uttered the phrase 'time is flying' in the last few weeks, probably on multiple occasions? Great Scott! Hasn't anyone built a time machine yet?! Whilst my knee and back pain remind me that time has indeed flown since I was 20, it is more the thought of seeing my two children grow rapidly in front of me that has me reaching for the 'pause' and ‘panic’ buttons. Somehow, I have fast forwarded to become one of those parents who look longingly at other parents who are still pushing prams or going for a walk in the sun at midday with their cute toddler bouncing along without a care (or school) in the world. Alas I have lost my children to the vortex of the school system and so have regained some hours between 8:45 and 3:20 where I can spend my time getting their dinner ready, clothes washed, and bags packed for their next activity, and if there's any time left over, earning a wage.
Whilst I may be giving the impression that my children are fully grown tax-paying adults that have flown the nest, they are in reality, only 7 and 5. And short of them upping and leaving on their 10th birthday to go on a voyage of self-discovery whilst video blogging on TikTok, I think they'll be around a lot longer than I anticipate. So, what am I so aggrieved about? Why is it that pictures of them from only a couple of years back can send me into a spiral of tears? I feel like I am saying goodbye to the versions of the kids that started with turning my life on its head, growing into these little people with their own personalities and principles. They were these wonderful small beings that you could lift up and hug and know that they would cling onto you for dear life and love.
On reflection, I don't think I truly appreciated how big a milestone entering school was, for both child and parent. As time has gone on, you begin to feel that you are no longer the sun that their worlds revolve around and that they have little time to bask in your warmth as they traipse from one activity to another, ironically and largely at your own request. Friends enter the orbit, setting them off on altered paths. Your opinion, while still valued, doesn’t quite hold the same sway that it used to when you convinced them that Manchester United were the right team for them to back. They have opinions too now. You do not get to hold their hand for quite as long now, though you long for its warmth. All these are signs of growth and a stark reminder that their age of innocence is slowly coming to an end, and it frightens me.
Despite this, isn't it what life is all about? Nurturing the future generation to go forth and learn, make mistakes, forge paths where they learn to be comfortable in their own skins, develop relationships and friendships with (hopefully good) people. Many parents, including my own, have made the mistake of not letting their children go to have the room to grow, explore, and make mistakes, only for it to lead to resentment in adult life. However, I now understand how hard it is to let go. It feels like the very long goodbye has begun, but I am ready to say hello to whoever they want to become, listen to and value their opinions, and to support them wherever they want to go. Kids, your future hasn’t been written yet….no one’s has!
Ruban is a husband to one amazing wife, father to two wonderful young boys, and a willing slave to all three. When he is not dancing around with a child on his shoulders or ferrying them around on piggyback, he can be seen attempting to kick footballs, save worlds on his Playstation and occasionally audit some things for a lucky City insurance firm.
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