Released On 18 August 2025
Ruban's blog: Into the Unknown - School Trip Sagas
“Would anyone like to go next...?”
I raise my hand hesitantly, unsure if I've been through enough to be worthy of sharing my story. My mouth is dry, and I pause before the words arrive from the end of my lips..."My name is Ruban, and I am a school trip survivor. I've done two tours and I'm just happy to be here in one piece so that I can share with you my experiences"......and so I began....
With one child in Year 2 and one in Reception, it was a miracle that I hadn't been called up for service. Like avoiding jury duty or going into hiding to bypass conscription, I had often mumbled responses and slunk away when volunteering for school trips were raised. I wanted to do it, I really did. But something about the thought of being responsible for children that weren't your own whilst also increasing the odds of them getting lost in a big city, just didn't sit right. For a couple of years, the roulette wheel landed in my favour as I was often working when the trips were (not that I was the only one working then!). In year 1, one trip was cancelled and pushed into year 2 which meant a bonanza of trips for the kids and my odds of beating the 'house' were lengthened. We were nearing the end of the year when I finally got the call. "London Zoo" said the monotone voice on the end of the phone before they hung up. I sighed a loud sigh...I was being thrown in at the deep end. Karma.
The day finally arrived, and anxiety levels were at a record high. At the school, we were ushered into the staffroom which was arranged in a square formation which we had to look into the eyes of the parent opposite. I saw fear. We spoke words of positivity and optimism that everything was going to be ok, but I didn't know if anyone believed it. The teachers came out with unbridled joy and enthusiasm to take the edge off the sombre atmosphere, flinging disclaimer papers at us and the groups assigned to us. I had 6 children, including my own. Is this normal I thought? I can barely look after my own 2 children in my own house, and I am being entrusted with 6 in the middle of central London?
I met up with my group and introduced myself, trying to play it cool whilst also showing no fear and mopping sweat from my brow. My first problem was that one of the names in my group that was on the info sheet was not physically present but rather replaced by another child. Who was this imposter and how did he bump off another child to get onto this school trip? Whoever he was, he was certainly a match for me. As long, snaking train of children began chugging away from the school towards the station, I asked one of the teachers where this named child was. I don't think they heard me. I decided to take the imposter on this trip of a lifetime and hoped the other child was ok. (It was, he was off sick).
The walk to the tube was only 10 minutes but felt like a lifetime. Getting on the train, my group of six suddenly split as they dashed to get a seat. Seeing that one pair were covered by another teacher, I joined the others on the right. Soon we were on our way and zooming past local sights and endless houses. I was kept informed throughout of the kid's TV habits and what they were looking forward to at the zoo. They also had a peculiar interest in sharing the dynamics of their family tree. Getting to the zoo involved an extremely long walk from the station and required all of my best distraction techniques to help the kids forget they were walking a marathon before the fun began. The child who I wasn't sure should be on the trip continued to demonstrate his aptitude for espionage as his bag strap miraculously broke, resulting in me carrying his bag for the rest of the trip. Child 2 Adult 0.
Once at the zoo, the kids quenched their thirst for walking with more walking, but this time in different directions as they squealed in delight at the various animals on show. Keeping tabs on six children with high visibility jackets in a sea of hundreds of other children with high visibility jackets proved challenging. Lunch came and the parents gathered around a table looking jaded and about to crumble in a heap. Coping strategies were discussed, including the 'break glass in case of emergency' hiding in the toilet method. After lunch, the trip took on Crystal Maze vibes as the kids were let loose in a dark exhibit with parents flailing around trying to locate their group. The final challenge still lay ahead of us at the end of the day.... the walk back across the grassy plains of Regents Park. Somehow the path back had grown longer, the line of tired children and their handlers grew more unkempt as they straddled into other lanes. Teachers were required to herd more as the kids' handlers’ power of influence and persuasion began to wane. We made it back in the end, numbers intact. I picked up my children and proceeded to fall asleep on the living room floor as my youngest drove cars around me as if I were a mountain.
Of course, my youngest would have a trip only a couple of weeks later to the farm. In my attempts to be Father of the Year and be fair to both kids, I volunteered for this trip thinking I had already conquered my Everest on the zoo ordeal. At the school I found out that it was only 2 kids to an adult. Surely this would be a comparative walk in the park?
No issues this time with rogue children in my group, we headed onto the train. This time I was faced with a different challenge as no sooner were bums on seats, a volley of personal questions came flying my way. "How old are you?", "Why do you have curly hair?", "Why do you have two rings?", "Do you have two wives?". I wasn't sure if he was writing an exposé about me, but I fielded his questions. Unperturbed, we carried on until we reached the farm. The kids were hungry but also in dire need of a toilet break. This was to become a common theme throughout the day. The open plan nature of the farm meant it was easier to keep tabs on the kids rather than the labyrinth of the zoo and several goats and toilet breaks later; we were ready to roll again. Though we got back to our station in record time, we got back to school late…. due to another toilet break.
In retrospect, despite all my initial dodging and ducking, I was proud to have been on these two school trips. The experience, as tiring and intense as it was, turned out to be a delightful adventure and an insight into the kids’ lives at school with their friends. Their boundless energy (except on the walk back from the zoo to the station) and endless questions were like living through a royal variety performance. Would I volunteer again? Definitely maybe….
Ruban is a husband to one amazing wife, father to two wonderful young boys, and a willing slave to all three. When he is not dancing around with a child on his shoulders or ferrying them around on piggyback, he can be seen attempting to kick footballs, save worlds on his Playstation and occasionally audit some things for a lucky City insurance firm
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