Jill's blog: Yes People

Recently, I’ve been in a conflicted headspace about a rather important personal issue. It got to the point where it had been in my head for too long and I need to get it out, but I was still not ready to take action. So, I decided to talk with a friend. 

Initially I left the conversation feeling validated as my friend fully understood where I was coming from and confirmed my perspective. Not soon after, this filled me with more doubt. So, I went to speak to another friend. A friend whom with I don’t always see eye to eye. But this was exactly what I wanted. Another perspective. Someone who could highlight the things I wasn’t seeing, the perspectives I wasn’t considering. And, honestly, it was this conversation that provided me with the most clarity. 

These two conversations made me think about the value of differing perspectives. If we only ever hear from people who share the same opinion as us, how are we meant to learn and grow? Being challenged is often a huge factor in personal development. A challenge is typically welcomed when trying to build a skill in sport or work. Why should this any different when applied to personal growth?

Personal growth is often found in uncomfortable moments. Through conversations, situations and interactions that shake us a bit. If we delve into why these things bother us and uncover what causes the discomfort, we can then address the issue with greater understanding of what lies beneath it. Of why you feel challenged in the first place. If you are only ever looking at the top, if you only ever receive affirmation that what you perceive is the truth, growth is less likely to happen. 

This is what that second conversation did for me. This friend knows me very well and wasn’t afraid to question why I felt so strongly about the issue and why I wasn’t willing to view the situation with any nuance or wiggle room. I was challenged to think about what meaning I was making from what happened. What it was about my own habits and opinions that didn’t allow me to view it fully from the other persons perspective. We even talked about past experiences which likely caused me to think and react the way that I did. As a result, I learned a bit more about myself and how I navigate moments like this. Challenges like this. I went away from that conversation feeling ready to take action on the initial issue, and with more understanding of who I am. 

We all need “yes people” in our lives. They are the ones that big us up when we feel small. They help us find that inner strength and resolve to take on the next challenge and get out of the self-defeatist mindset. But are they the ones that help us actually overcome it? Or is it the people who push us in a direction we didn’t know was an option? Or maybe we knew about it but didn’t want to go there. Until we were challenged to do just that.

Jill is an American ex-pat living her best English life on the border of London and Surrey. She spends her days pretending she knows what she’s doing, creating some fun things along the way. With a passion for storytelling and the gumption of a New Yorker, she’s raising two cheeky, clever boys with deep imaginations and an annoyingly cunning use of language. With a husband, cat and hamster along for the ride, life is never boring. Even if sometimes a bit too stressful.

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• Wellbeing