Released On 23 June 2025
Jill's blog: Superwoman, I am not
Is part of getting older realising that you simply cannot do it all?
I don’t know about you, but when I was younger I may have secretly believed that I was invincible. That I could fall out of a tree without breaking bone. Not study for tests and still get an A. Manage any heartache, heart break, betrayal, or unrest without breaking a sweat. No matter what challenge or task was in front of me, I can accomplish it.
But life as a kid (and for the purposes of this article I’m going to class myself as a kid before I had any of my own) was SIGNIFICANTLY different than life as an adult. Days look different, time moves awkwardly, and life has a new meaning. With all of that comes added stress, more responsibilities, less free time and my energy being constantly drained. (As well as all the weird and wonderful things!)
A friend of mine is moving back to the UK after 5 years of living abroad. She’s knee deep in the process of school applications and on top of everything else involved in relocating back home as a family of four, her head is swimming. We were chatting about schools and one of the points I made was that she needed to consider herself in this process. Now, I will preface this by saying that we are fortunate enough to live in an area where all the schools are very good. No matter what choice they make, the school will be solid, and it sort of comes down to vibe. But I digress…
One of the schools she’s looking at is far enough away that she will have to drive to pick up and drop off. This school is on their list as they are thinking about potential feeder school situations for secondary education. But it’s not just her kids that will be adjusting to the move back, it’s her and her husband too. The added stress of needing to drive to drop off and pick up each and every day, to an area where parking isn’t ample, could be very stressful. It’s hard enough to get to young kids out the door in the morning on time. To do it while they’re adjust to the change and then drive to a place you may not be able to park your car does not sound pleasant. What she needs, and the stresses she doesn’t need, matter too!
This has made me think about the way I am working in my own life to not take on additional unnecessary stress. Because I used to think that I could overcome anything. That I could take up any challenge, manage any situation life throws at me and keep piling and piling on the responsibilities without it having an impact on my physical, emotional, mental or energetic resources.
Yet with age comes wisdom and the current wisdom I am channelling is telling me to keep it simple. To not over burden myself when I don’t have to. And that my needs, resources and time matter.
As parents, we tend to want to give everything we have and everything we are to our children. But if we do that, what’s left for us? What’s left for our partner, spouse, friends, wider family? How often does the act of giving drain us to the point of exhaustion, illness and burnout? I know I’ve been there several times over the last eight years, and it takes some pretty scary moments to bring it back to reality.
Coming to terms with being someone that matters in my own life has been difficult and wonderful. You’d think I’d have realised this already, but I matter, too. And I’m saying it right here, right now to remind myself. To put it out into the world so that I can hold onto it moving forward and hopefully remind others that it’s okay to put yourself on the list.
You matter, too.
Jill is an American ex-pat living her best English life on the border of London and Surrey. She spends her days pretending she knows what she’s doing, creating some fun things along the way. With a passion for storytelling and the gumption of a New Yorker, she’s raising two cheeky, clever boys with deep imaginations and an annoyingly cunning use of language. With a husband, cat and hamster along for the ride, life is never boring. Even if sometimes a bit too stressful.
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