Released On 13 April 2026

Barbara's blog: From A Class To A Glass

Son recently announced that he had declined his place at university, where he would have studied International Wine Business. I was relieved and disappointed in equal measures and also not surprised. I had seen it coming even before it was uttered out loud, signalled by tiny shifts in body language whenever the subject was raised.

This was the culmination of Son’s year out, which I had agreed to on the proviso that it did not turn into a doss-fest. The first six months were promising: he continued to work his part-time job, passed his driving test, and completed his Level 2 exam in Wine from the Wine & Spirit Education Trust — a key qualification for those aspiring to work in that sector.

Then, as I had feared, progress dried up.

Teenagers are my favourite developmental phase to parent because they challenge my preconceptions and broaden my understanding of what it means to be young in this decade. I am lucky that Son and Daughter — who, having recently turned 20, is alas no longer a teenager — appreciate their mother’s efforts to be firm but fair, and enjoy educating me on their Gen Z quirks, while I live vicariously through their youth.

Nevertheless, I constantly walk a tightrope as I try to get the balance right.

I’m sure you’ll agree that parenting this generation is not straightforward. You have to be supportive without taking over; encouraging, but without nagging or piling on pressure; attentive to disappointment, but not so much that you deprive them of the chance to develop resilience. You have to recognise when to walk alongside them and when to step aside entirely; to let them make mistakes and their own decisions, even when your experience tells you it will not end well.

All the while, you are mentally assessing whether what you are saying is still relevant to the world as it is now, and not something lifted from a hundred years ago (it can feel like that sometimes!). It is an endless intellectual gymkhana and often a thankless task. It is also only possible because of the fierce love you have for these imperfect human beings. Only a parent could go through this today and still decide it is worth doing again tomorrow.

Son’s experience of navigating his options for the future is vastly different from what mine, or Husband’s, would have been at his age under similar circumstances. My mother was strict, demanding and manipulative. She was obsessed with status and laser-focused on ensuring I studied and married well. Any discussion of a year out would have been shut down immediately, dismissed as a waste of time by someone for whom hyper-productivity was the only acceptable state.

Unsurprisingly, I left home at the earliest opportunity, but my mother’s influence stayed with me, and I went on to complete both a degree and a postgraduate qualification.

Husband’s parents, on the other hand, lived very much in the moment, almost hand-to-mouth. They were loving, welcoming and sociable, but offered their sons little direction when it came to further education, believing a steady income to be more valuable than a university degree. It was thanks to Husband’s natural talent and intelligence that he secured the excellent leadership role he has worked in for the past two and a half decades.

Two different approaches to the same problem; two very different personal experiences. Can we extract the best parts of each to inform our parenting? My mother’s ambition, discipline and respect for education, alongside Husband’s parents’ unconditional support and cheerful outlook on life. That is what we strive to do, but it is not foolproof.

Last week, Son told us that he had been successful in one of his applications and would be starting a new role at a vineyard imminently. He will begin front of house, with a view to eventually leading tours and tastings.

We are definitely taking this as a win. Cin cin.

Barbara works as an environmental strategist for the aviation regulator and lives a stone’s throw from the South Downs, with her 20-year-old creative daughter, 18-year-old ingenious son and supportive husband.