Talking To Kids About Vaping

The early bird approach vs the danger download.

One of the many difficult conversations we know we need to have as parents is the one about substance use / abuse.

I have a history of specialising in Safeguarding at secondary schools in the UK. And as a trainer, and consultant, I support the work of many pastoral and safeguarding leads in various ways – so have a pretty good handle of what’s happening on the teen scene and when…It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged, that Year 8 is certainly where vaping takes off for both boys and girls – and can start to become part of everyday life and bonding for boys.

However – here’s the problem. School-led sessions on vapes and cigarettes are subject to the following issues:

Kids generally give feedback that they could have had the sessions earlier.
There is no Goldilocks sweet spot on the timing front. Too early, and parents complain that suggestible kids are being exposed to these risky sides of teenage exploration too soon.
Any school led session on social and emotional life skills or vulnerable topics has a performative aspect. It’s happening in the theatre of the classroom or school hall – especially if there’s an outside speaker drafted in to do a specialised talk. The dramas around who is or is not already vaping and on the ‘inside track’ create a distracting frisson…
Fear-talk intelligence might land cognitively, but under these conditions, it is hard to get even the most effective presentation to get beyond the general sense of teenage invulnerability…‘That’s bad…it happened to them…it won’t happen to me…’

The facts about the rates of young people vaping. As of 2025, 20% of 11–17-year-olds in Great Britain have tried vaping.

As a nicotine-delivery system, vapes could not be more child-friendly. They appeal to the sweet palate of the young: Blue Razz Lemonade and Watermelon Ice apparently are flavours topping the popularity charts.

When we lecture our kids, we might call it ‘conversation’ but, frankly, unless they are also talking a good percentage of the time, that’s a con. When we lead with the facts and info, teens often end up feeling slightly overwhelmed, slightly defensive, feeling untrusted and a bit persecuted about why you’re doing this to them. ‘So random…so embarrassing!’

More importantly though, with the fear-talk, we’ve raised the stakes so high that if their friend or they have had a try of one and feel a bit rubbish, they’re less likely to see us as a safe sounding board and more likely to fear the risk of our disapproval. Or that we’ll go off on one and take action that they can’t control – like speaking to other parents, calling the school etc.

Conversations with Kids…Vape-talk…Here’s what to do instead…

Lots of little conversations, often. Make these genuine curiosity conversations rather than a pressing home of your agenda…
Start these far earlier than needed – harness the power of a pre-teen’s observation and imagination.
Get to know and understand their theories and ideas. Take an interest in how they interpret and imagine what they see in the different behaviours around them.
Let the conversation unfold over time from a secure-base rather than a fear-talk perspective.
Lead with questions – let your questions and their answers drive the conversation as a genuine 2-way thinking exchange rather than the one-way download.
Drip feed the information. Use teachable moments… Watching a drama or a short video depicting teens or school aged kids vaping.
Stay with curiosity, steering the conversation with questions, developing their mind-mindedness, empathy skills and evaluative thinking.
Scaffold your questions to get them to engage with the whys and why-nots.
Take a non-judgmental approach and start with what they know first.
Don’t be a pouncing parent – if they tell you something about a peer venturing on the world of vapes, stay in questioning mode.
Lead with the whys, and the possibilities there…is there peer pressure? Is it about getting rebel status and being known? Is it about stress in school or family life?
What are the pluses and minuses for them?
How can they support their friend?
What could they do if they were asked to join in and try it?
Acknowledge that it is possible that they might be offered to join in vaping. And that it will be their decision in that moment. Obviously you don’t want them to try it – but this is the reality…
What if they don’t want to try it? What could they say that would give them an elegant exit?
What if they tried it and liked it? What do they know about the additional risks to underage vaping? (eg obtaining cheap, counterfeit, or black market products…)

There’s one thing that most young people and teens really share – and that’s not wanting to be controlled and manipulated by others, to be the boss of their bodies, and the boss of their brains.

If we wait until they are a teen already, and trying to find their place within teen-world, when we come at them armed with all the scary facts, the risk of our disapproval overshadows the capacity to learn. We become less, rather than more approachable over the risky stuff that will become increasingly real in their lives.

When they know they belong and can connect with us as a reliable resource who is on their side, whether they do or don’t make mistakes, they feel safe. Their safety comes through our presence and connection, when they value that safety and want to preserve their connection to us, that is the factor that gives us traction and influence in their lives. This, more than the danger-briefing – is what will keep them safer.

This article is an excerpt taken from a longer version which you can read here.

Emma Gleadhill is an Educational Speaker and Trainer specialising in bringing the science of thriving to schools, families, and workplaces. She works with over 70 schools throughout the UK and internationally. She also works with corporate wellbeing and parent and carer groups, delivering transformative learning in wellbeing, and healthy relationships. She is a contributing author to the international bestselling parenting book: The Perfectly Imperfect Family. Emma is a well-established parent coach, working with both individual parents and couples to work through problems, become the parents they want to be, and have the relationships they are yearning for with their children and teens.

www.emmagleadhill.com

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