Released On 27 July 2026
Kira's blog: Leading Without Being The Loudest Voice
Quietly leading with reliability, relationships and building trust.During my end-of-year review in March, my manager shared some striking feedback. She started by acknowledging that she is a fairly loud and full-on character, which is in stark contrast to my quieter nature and she went on to say “what surprises me, and what I can’t quite understand, is why people put so much trust in you given how quiet you are”. The comment took me aback and honestly in that moment it was hard not to be offended. I’d never linked my quiet nature with any idea of not being trusted. As we talked more, she explained that over her years in people management she had noticed that when people don’t speak up in meetings others tend to assume they don’t grasp what is being discussed and therefore the quiet ones are overlooked and induce feelings of doubt in others. What she found surprising was that this wasn’t what was happening with me, in fact I had just been nominated by a leader outside our team to run a new project.
As our conversation continued, I thought about that initial comment about trust. While I didn’t quite agree with her idea that quiet people create a sense of doubt in others, it did remind me of all my previous performance reviews with various managers over the years telling me to speak up more and put myself forward for opportunities to get in front of an audience so they could see what I had to offer. So many times I’d been told I was doing myself a disservice by staying so quiet and I’d pushed against my natural comfort zone to try and be the person these managers wanted me to be.
At the end of the review, my manager announced that I had received a "Strong" rating and as a result of that, I received an invitation to join an internal leadership course. Here we go again, I thought, another course telling me that leaders need to exude confidence and that I should fake it until I make it. Be more gregarious, speak first in meetings. These are the characteristics I had been told over and over again would stand me in good stead for being more influential in the workplace.
A pre-requisite of the course was to take the Gallup Clifton Strengths questionnaire. I was not surprised at all to see that none of my strengths sat in the ‘Influencing’ domain. I am not driven by selling, competing or commanding; I enjoy lifting others up, gaining a deep understanding of a subject and creating fair, orderly and peaceful systems. In a way it was almost a relief to see names attached to these characteristics and have them validated; to learn that they weren’t just pleasant traits but could be used as strengths. This gave me permission to start thinking I didn’t need to change, I just needed to hone these other skills to come at leadership from a different direction.
As we looked into these personal strengths in more detail, I started to understand the answer to my manager’s question ‘why do people trust you when you are so quiet?’. I may not be the loudest voice at the table but I am good at building relationships, I’m good at helping others do their jobs well and when I say I’m going to do something, I’ll follow through and deliver, so I’m building trust and credibility without being loud.
I was beginning to see that being visible and making yourself heard isn’t what draws people to you. People don’t necessarily agree with the loudest person in the room. Instead, it is following through on commitments, listening to understand, not just to respond and helping others succeed, which builds trust. And when people trust you they are more receptive to your ideas and opinions.
At week six of the course, I had to travel to Texas to lead a series of workshops for that new project I’d taken on. I knew my strength wasn’t being up in front of a room full of people; I’m the quiet one at the back taking copious notes (by hand). But having just finished this course, I knew I did have a skill for relating to people, bringing harmony and finding consistent ways of working, so I leaned into those and really tried to use the time in the lead-up to the workshops to build relationships which meant I had a better feel for the different drivers and points of view in the room and I felt more comfortable when the time came to be up the front because I knew the group on a more human level. I had stopped worrying about commanding the room and started to focus on understanding it so that I could better lead the sessions.
I’m quiet, I listen. I mull a question over to make sure it’s well formed before I ask it and sometimes that means the moment has passed before I actually pluck up the courage to ask it. But generally, if I’ve got something to say that I think will actually add value, I will say it. I’ve spent much of my career assuming (and being told outright) that I need to become more outspoken, more assertive, more naturally ‘leader-like’ in order to get ahead and although I believe those managers may have been trying to help in good faith, honestly it is exhausting.
I’m certain I’m not the only one who has been made to feel that they need to change their whole personality to get ahead and I do agree that stretching yourself and getting out of your comfort zone has value, but what I’ve discovered over the last few months is that speaking up isn’t the only route to influence. I don’t need to become someone else, instead I need to be more intentionally myself and lean into the other strengths I already have.
When I was asked to lead that project and run the workshops I wasn’t suddenly transformed into an extrovert, I didn’t become the loudest person in the room, instead I intentionally made use of the other strengths I already had and discovered that leadership isn’t one personality type and you don’t have to have the loudest voice to be trusted.
Kira is a Product Manager, wife, mum of two young girls and a lover of books, good stationery and a well-organised calendar.
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