Talking to Children about Relationships and Online Misogyny

The Netflix series, Adolescence sparked vital conversations about what our young people are seeing – and being shaped by – online. While the series might be fiction, it tells a very real story. It follows a 13-year-old boy arrested for the violent murder of his female classmate, shining a light on how online misogyny influenced his actions.

Misogyny – the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women and girls - isn’t new, but the modern digital version is more manipulative, visible, and amplified than ever before. It takes less than 3 minutes for the algorithm to recommend harmful content to a new TikTok account. Intentionally or not, it is almost impossible to use the internet today without being exposed to abusive or harmful content.

It’s no wonder that Adolescence left many parents with many questions: What is my child watching online? Are they being influenced by these negative ideas? How can I help them critically consider which content to listen to and which to ignore? Could Jamie’s story happen to us?

If you have asked yourself any of these questions, you’re not alone. Talking to our children about healthy relationships, the online world and – heaven forbid! – pornography, can feel increasingly difficult in the rapidly changing digital world, but it’s more important than ever.

To support this conversation, the Prime Minister convened a roundtable discussion to stream Adolescence in UK secondary schools. Tender, a charity specialising in healthy relationships education, has created guides for teachers to navigate conversations in the classroom alongside the show. Tender’s suggestions are not just for the classroom – there are simple, positive steps parents can take at home too. Below are tips for parent’s and carers, with input from Tender’s Youth Board members to give a young person’s perspective on what really helps.

Get informed. Start by learning the current online context and what your child might be seeing online. It is useful to show curiosity and engage with your children whilst learning about these topics. For example, asking friendly questions about the apps they are on to chat to friends, or if they’ve seen anything interesting online recently? Tender has a resource to help understand misogyny and explore how it is fuelled online and why it can be so impressionable for young people.

“It is important that parents understand what digital misogyny looks like in young people’s lives- whether that be from influencers, viral memes or podcasters, to have more meaningful conversations.” – Youth Board member

Normalise the conversations. Instead of one, big, serious talk about online content and connections, make these conversations a normal part of your family life. This will help create an open environment and build trust so your child knows they can always come to you with questions. It also makes sure everyone in the family is part of the continuous conversation, rather than dealing with isolated instances. Consider the time and place when you have these talks, as more relaxed moments like driving or walking can make the conversation feel less stressful.

“My main takeaway from Adolescence was the importance of engaging all young people in conversations about misogyny- not just girls, who are too often left to navigate the issue alone.” – Youth Board member

Start early. Children are encountering online content at an increasingly young age, so it is never too early to talk about healthy relationships. This can and should be done in age-appropriate ways to lay the foundation for healthy relationships. For example, with younger children you can explore what being a good friend would look like. Creating a vocabulary for what is healthy and unhealthy can then be adapted for conversations about romantic relationships with older children.

“Open and honest dialogue with parents/carers about online misogyny is vital.” – Youth Board member

Create a non-judgemental space. Many negative online influencers pose as role models for those who feel underrepresented. Becoming angry or defensive if a child repeats comments and ideas they may have heard online might reinforce beliefs that has pushed children to believe misogynistic content in the first place. Stay calm and be open to creating space to explore why they shared certain believes. Try sentences like ‘I’d like to understand … because….’ or ‘I’d like to hear more about what you think on….’.

“Giving young people the space to talk about what they’re seeing online allows parents to gently challenge unhealthy ideas about relationships in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment.” – Youth Board member

Ask open ended questions. Open questions show curiosity and avoid shutting children down. It can be useful to critically think about the content together to support children to reflect on their own misconceptions and empower them in their learning. You could explore questions like ‘Who is creating this message?’, or ‘Why do you think this message is being sent to you?’. Asking these questions about other online content (i.e the news) can help segway into speaking about more negative online content.

“Helping young people think critically about harmful narratives around relationships can empower them to form their own values rooted in empathy, equality and respect- both online and offline.” – Youth Board member

Use creative ways to explore these topics. Tender’s arts-based approach brings sensitive topics to life. By using drama, children can explore complex issues by creating distance from personal instances. This can be done at home as well, by using creative, physical, and playful activities to approach the topics. For example, you could read books or watch series together on these topics, such as Heartstopper or Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Using creativity can also engage our children in a fun and positive way rather than causing worry and stress.

Author: Susie McDonald, MBE.

Susie set up Tender's healthy relationship programme in 2004 and became CEO in 2010. She has since expanded the charity nationally, implement innovative programmes, and provide specialist RSE insights to government. In 2025 she was awarded an MBE for her services to young people and abuse prevention in the 2025 New Year Honours list. With a background in theatre for social change, Susie used drama as an educational tool for over 25 years, working with prisoners to develop communication and specialising in interactive theatre for vulnerable and at-risk young people.

Bio of Tender: Tender is a national charity that exists to prevent domestic abuse and sexual violence in the lives of children and young people. Their innovative, drama-based programmes have reached over half a million children, young people and adults since 2003: increasing their knowledge and skills to have healthy relationships. They channel their learnings into influencing effective policy change, having wider systemic impact. They deliver training in corporates to increase awareness about domestic abuse and promote healthy workplace cultures; any surplus from their fees is reinvested in the work with children and young people. Read more about their work here - https://tender.org.uk/

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