Five Ways To Listen Better

The leadership skill we underestimate most.

I had a podcast recording scheduled last Thursday and when my guest arrived it became clear her mind was full of thoughts about a large decision she needed to make. Instinct took over and I offered her a confidential thinking space with me instead of the conversation we had planned for COMEBACK COACH.

Just-in-time thinking spaces are a rare thing. I frequently have coachees tell me about the lack of access to their boss; cancelled or cut-short 1:1s; and a distracted mind when their manager does apparently make time. Why are we doing this to our people when a little high-quality listening unlocks so much? It pays dividends to give our people our ears wholeheartedly.

I don’t think you need me to cite the academic literature that shows high-quality listening fosters psychological safety, reduces defensiveness, and strengthens interpersonal bonds, which in turn improves collaboration and reduces conflict (Itzchakov, G., & Kluger, A. N. 2017) or the paper about employees who perceived their supervisors as good listeners reporting higher trust and lower emotional exhaustion, which directly improved the quality of leader–employee relationships (Lloyd, Boer, Keller & Voelpel, 2015). Then there’s the paper published in the Journal of Applied Psychology by Reina, Rogers et al titled “Quitting the Boss? The Role of Manager Influence Tactics and Employee Perceptions of Listening in Voluntary Turnover”, which found that when managers listened attentively employees were more likely to share ideas and concerns, strengthening relational ties and reducing turnover.

Please listen. Please keep the 1:1s. Your direct reports' self esteem and commitment to your organisation is eroded every time you cancel a 1:1 or show up in body but not in mind. I can listen, I can coach them around their challenges but only you can make the difference I know you do when you listen.

Five ways to listen better

See it as a priority and schedule it. See those 1:1s as how you achieve your objectives. You deliver through your people and if you aren’t listening and giving them space to think and problem-solve, chances are your team isn’t being as effective or as swift in their delivery as they could (should?) be.
Go with the intention of listening (to understand, not respond). This is about being a witness to what is on your team members’ minds and giving them space to think. If you have ever had executive coaching or a boss who has a coaching approach you will know this magic of answers appearing when you talk aloud without interruptions
Leave 15 minutes between meetings. You need that time to let go of what your focus has been on and where it needs to go next. I talked about residual attention on episode 88 of my podcast “Finding focus when you’re stretched and shattered”. Listen on Apple | Spotify.
Make 1:1s outdoor walking meetings. Fresh air, a change of scene, away from desk distractions. Whether remote or in-person this getting outside and moving is refreshening and awakening. Added proven benefit: the person we are listening to is more likely to generate novel solutions when they think on the move.
Do a 1 minute meditation before the 1:1. Stand or sit up tall, both feet on the ground, hands by side or on lap. Breathe in for a count of 4, breathe out to a count of 8. Focus on counting and the sensation of belly and chest rising and falling. Repeat five times. Now you’re more centred and ready to listen.

And the podcast guest from last Thursday? She took up my offer of a listening ear. She’s a CEO and it gets lonely up there. I gave her a calm, unhurried space to think and explore the options ahead of her. We’ll record a conversation for public consumption later in the year.

In this ‘COACH’ episode you can eavesdrop on a coaching conversation with a senior woman who is 2 months back from a 10 month maternity leave who wants to show her leadership team she is committed and wants to progress. She’s the only mother in her part of the business and she feels she’s competing with younger colleagues who can work long hours and have little or no immovable demands on them outside of work. Our conversation starts by Louise – not her real name - outlining two challenges and we quickly move into stakeholder mapping and working out the perceptions she needs to create in two or three key people’s mind. As ever, you can listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and our website.

Jessica Chivers is a coaching psychologist, author of “Mothers Work! How to Get a Grip on Guilt and Make a Smooth Return to Work” and host of the Comeback Coach podcast. She’s also the founder of The Talent Keeper Specialists, a business whose mission is to keep everyone everywhere feeling confident, connected and cared for when they take extended leave from work. Their clients are forward-thinking employers such as ITV, CIPD, BlackRock and Lily’s Kitchen who access 1:1 comeback coaching and the Comeback Community™ employee experience to retain and fuel returning talent.

Jessica has two children and a fur-kid called Rocky. She plays netball badly (but with enthusiasm and a smile), loves walking and running and is a Home-Start parent mentor volunteer.

Join her conversations on LinkedIn and I nstagram.