Sheila's blog: We All Need a Little Help Sometimes

I ask for help a lot. With Secondary Progressive MS, I need help into a taxi, help from my daughters, help from strangers, help from my husband. Help comes in many forms: sometimes intimate, sometimes medical, sometimes just plain practical.

What strikes me most is the vulnerable space it places me in. To ask for help is to admit there’s something I can’t do on my own — something I once could do myself. For me, it’s act of self-honesty and self-admission that I can’t do something by myself or for myself anymore.

There’s an unspoken trust in each request. A belief in the goodness and decency of people. I do find that most of the time in most situations that most people are decent and kind. There is the stranger will steady my arm as I struggle out of the cab and onto my little travel scooter. There’s the gratefulness in my heart when my daughters are patient when I need an extra moment and that my husband will come, again, when I call.

However, with the gratefulness, there’s also guilt. I hold a worry that I am asking the same person too often. There’s the fear that I’m becoming a burden. It’s not easy to shake the feeling that my needs might outweigh someone else’s.

Recently I came across a line from Simon Sinek: “Asking for help is an act of service. Don’t deny the people who love you the honour of being there to support you.” That line stopped me in my tracks. What if asking for help isn’t just vulnerability, but also generosity? What if I reframed the guilt as an invitation — a chance for someone else to step in, to care, to connect?

The truth is, none of us can do it all alone. We all need help, some in big things and some in little things – we can’t do it all. If we were more willing to admit that  and if we could to be a little more open and a little more vulnerable, perhaps we’d not only lighten our own loads but also deepen our relationships.

I’m still learning to sit with this. I’m learning to ask without apology and without guilt. I’m learning to receive help with grace. I’m learning to believe that in asking for help that I am not just taking, but also giving.

Maybe, just maybe that’s the quiet magic of asking for help and that   it’s not one-sided at all. It’s a shared moment of humanity.

Sheila has worked in the asset management industry for over 15 years. She is married to a wonderful husband, is mother to two amazing children, has Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis and lives in London. Sheila goes to the MS Therapy Centre in Harrow for physio and hyperbaric oxygen therapy once a week. Donations to support this wonderful organisation are very welcome. Sheila can be found on Instagram @MS_in_the_City. https://www.harrowmscentre.co.uk/donate