Released On 21 April 2025
Linda's blog: Time To relax
I found myself sitting alone in a quiet house. The birds were singing and the sun was shining through the windows. Everything was still.
We’d rented a cottage for a week and it was the first morning of our break. One child was happily ensconced in a book, the other had gone to the supermarket with my husband. I had cleared up the breakfast things and tidied the kitchen. As I wasn’t at home, there was nothing more to do.
I should have been happy. Instead I felt odd. Discombobulated. My own house is a work in progress with a seemingly never ending list of renovations and piles of things that haven’t found a home since we moved last year. A demanding job and the daily race between that, school and children’s sporting activities means I don’t spend much time at home and having nothing to do is an alien concept.
There was also the underlying worry about work. Something big had landed the day before I’d left and as hard as I tried not to, I found myself thinking about issues that would need to be resolved. I had done a good handover and I was only away for 5 days but I had been asked to join calls during my holiday. Even though I really didn’t want to interrupt this precious family time, the requests cast doubt in my mind and I wondered how my boss would react if I didn’t attend.
I hadn’t brought a book so I picked one from the sitting room’s eclectic collection. As much as I love reading I found it hard to concentrate. It was 11am and everything felt wrong. I am so used to life running at a frenetic pace that it was hard to adapt to the change in gear. My brain naturally leapt ahead to an upcoming visit from extended family and what I had to do for their 5 night stay.
I wandered into the kitchen to pick up my phone so I could write a list. I have many lists on my phone. Seeing birds flying around the garden made me pause at the window. As I watched, I felt self conscious and slightly on edge. My heart was racing. I was almost relieved when I heard the crunch of gravel that signalled my husband’s return. I found myself jumping up and felt much more comfortable busying myself with unpacking the shopping.
I’ve realised I have a deep rooted fear of being or appearing lazy. I grew up with parents who centred their lives on helping others and were always doing things. Whilst they would both be the first to tell me I don’t need to justify my inaction to anyone, let alone myself, the fact they both died too soon makes me acutely aware that life is short and I don’t want to look back and feel I’ve wasted time.
Clearly there’s a balance to be had and there are plenty of resources suggesting ways to properly relax. I’ve even got a book titled “The art of rest” on my bookshelf (bought with good intentions but unopened). It feels like a good place to start!
Linda is a lawyer with two children. She and her husband both work full time and juggle the school run and everything else between them.
No Comments