Christina's blog: Are You OK?

It’s a question we hear all the time. I ask it often too, but honestly, it’s one of my least favourite questions. Most of the time it doesn’t give us space to be truthful. Instead, we respond quickly with, “Yes, I’m ok,” and then we move on. Very rarely do we hear someone say, “No, I’m not ok,” or even, “What do you think?” I’m definitely one of those people who says, “Yeah, I’m fine,” even when I’m far from it.

At work, my manager once introduced a colour-coding system to help us express how we were feeling: Green meant “I’m good.” Amber meant “I’m ok-ish” — maybe I needed a cup of tea or a chat before starting the day. Red meant “I’m not doing well at all” and might need rest or time away.

This method encouraged us to be honest with ourselves and with each other. But there were times when none of us gave truthful answers because we felt unheard. When you don’t believe anyone is really listening, it’s easier to just say “green” and get on with things.

That brings me back to the bigger question: why do we want everyone to think we’re ok, even when we aren’t?

I’ve realised that we often hide how we feel because we don’t trust the person asking. Or we assume no one cares -  or that even if they do care, they won’t be able to help. Sometimes we wonder whether being honest would make any difference at all — would the situation get better, or would it feel worse?

I’ve learned that being truthful about my feelings is the only way I can get the help I actually need. When I let people in, I give myself the chance to be supported. There were times when I opened up to someone and they didn’t understand, or they weren’t able to help — and that taught me to look elsewhere, to find other people or groups who could support me. But if I had kept saying “I’m ok,” I would never have grown or recognised how unhappy I really was.

Being open doesn’t always feel good at first. Sometimes it can feel like everything is going wrong because we finally said what’s on our mind. But honesty is the first step — and even if the process feels messy, it’s worth it. Being truthful with ourselves is how things eventually start to fall into place.

Christina is an Activity Coordinator with Lived Experience within the NHS where she draws on her own mental health journey to help others.

Tags:
• Wellbeing